Saturday, April 15, 2006
haiyo.
within what little time we have together, the more we get involved with little disagreements, the more we resurface the unbridged gap between different intakes, the more we seek to fulfill our self interests and not look towards the entire well being of the band..
the less time we have to enjoy what we came here for in the first place.
our band spirit.
i never dared fanthom that one day i'd be in such close proximity with a closely entwined band of dedicated members, actually knowing people inside the band and feeling my hairs prickle when they played. much less did i dream that one day i'd be part of such a family.
that's why i'm pressuring myself to work harder, to achieve a higher level of excellence. cos i know my time with sajc band obviously won't last forever, and i don't want to look back when we graduate, wishing i had done something more to make the memories more worthwhile.
these past few days during self prac, i just practiced parts that needed attention, then rested the clarinets and started to reflect. but now i realise that all that reflection during self prac was just a waste of precious time.
individuals shouldn't be spent that way. individuals used to be the most painful day back in crescent. and somehow i enjoyed that pain, because the next sectionals/combined practice i'd sound okay and i'd be free enough to look out for and take down notes for the section instead of wasting my time finding my own notes. individuals are supposed to be heeeeong. wanna reflect then wait till go home doing homework that time, put a mirror in front and
then reflect all you want right? don't anyhow allocate resources without considering first the opportunity costs.
on the topic of priorities.. i was just thinking
why spend so much time talking about how who doesn't like who, who hangs out with who, whos don't feel welcome around the other whos, who's so very noisy, etc. what good does it do? it evidently doesnt do anything to us intellectually. since we've gotta work together in the end, why cant we just put aside all distractions and work towards something more retroactive?
i know i'm still new in the band, not part of the core and i don't have much right to say so much.
but if you know me, you'll know that i don't intend to sow discord, criticize anybody in particular or act like i'm damn reflective so you guys won't refer to me so much as the crazy little retard.
all i want is to show that i do care, and i want as badly as you do to see this band succeed.
i'm okay, i'm still just as retarded.
i might be wanting to redevelop myself a little, but i won't totally go wacko or schizophrenic.
haha.
melodramatic.
like gonna die anytime like that. ):
stop looking happy. )):
happy easter.
i don't think i'm capable enough to make a difference in your lives.
graduating from cgssb really did do smth to me. ):
it's horrible to just stand around and watch cracks secretly forming in the foundations we've workind so hard to build.
i wish i could tell someone what i see.
8:17 PM
reach for
the stars(:
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